These people are getting cooked by fire too.
I often get stopped on the street and people ask me, “What can I do with fire?“ People don’t realize how many things can be cooked with fire. But pretty much everything that can be cooked can be cooked with fire! Except for popsicles. Somehow they cook when you freeze them. I haven’t figured that out yet.
If you’re like me, you like cheese a lot. But the thing with cheese is, it melts, making it very hard to cook on a stick. So I’ve created an invention to help. What I did was took a stick and stapled an ice cube tray to it. I put my cheese in the tray, and it stay’s put. Now I can have hot cheese, cooked on a stick, without worrying about the fire ruining my tasty cheese meal. After all- cheese is another kind of meat!
I’m making my mom a birthday cake! I take a bunch of ho-ho’s and put them on a stick. Then I cook it over a fire just long enough that the first one catches on fire. My mom blows out the ho-hos and downs the whole stick like a cartoon character eating a turkey leg.
Do you ever cook a hotdog from the inside out? It’s great, and super healthy because you’re actually using heat to bring nutrients from the atmosphere INTO the hotdog. And that’s a fact! Here’s what you do. Get a metal stick- I use the dipstick from my car, but you can use an antenna, or an unfolded hanger, or shishkabob skewer. Then get out early and start a fire! Leave that stick in the coals so it has all day to heat up. Then when it’s dinnertime, get a hotdog from the fridge and put it on the stick. The stick should be hot enough to cook that hotdog right through.
Do you ever eat bean soup? Here’s a way to make it on a fire. Get your mom or your wife’s sewing kit. Get about 1,000 needles. Skewer a bunch of beans on those needles, and then using some thread, make a big chandelier of needle-beans. Cook those over the fire for about an hour and put them in a warm beer- BEAN SOUP! Now I’ve got a recipe using a bunch of jalapeno’s. Put those on a stick and cook them with the beans and put them in the beer. I call that one ***** Soup.
J’aime le feu! That’s French for “I like fire!” Now you can make French cuisine with a campfire. Best part? YOU DON’T EVEN NEED A STICK! Take a fancy French baguette (baguette is French for “female bag”) and hold it over a fire. When it’s brown and crispy, you have yourself some FRENCH TOAST!
Lots of people like S’mores but I don’t. I like S’mless the most. Here’s how you make them. Take some graham crackers and put them on a stick. Then roast them over the fire! You’re done, you goof! See how much easier it is this way!
I hope you enjoyed this culinary treat. Join me next time when I teach you how to cook with lasers.
-B to the N
BTW - Thanks to JustinKeller for some great recipes that are posted above.
Throwing their hat in the ring for comeback of the year (in what seems like a comeback-heavy year), Coalesce gives us their first full length in over 10 years since they released “0:12 Revolution in Just Listening.” Often cited alongside Botch and Converge as the forefathers of what would become metalcore, mathcore, or whatever you want to call it, today’s heavy-music scene unquestionably owes a nod-of-the-head to Coalesce. Their reputation is largely due to their LP, “Give Them Rope, She Said,” which is often cited as one of the best post-hardcore records ever. Released on Relapse Records on June 9th, “Ox” seems destined for a similarly celebrated future.
The timelessness of “Give Them Rope,” shows up in “Ox,” as it is an aurally direct scion of the former. Sean Ingram’s classic, bullhorn avalance over unrelenting, bass-heavy riffing and pummeling and unpredictable drumming. Coalesce has added in an extra layer of chaos, even more oddly appropriate guitar licks to loosen up the tension, and (would you believe) a lo-fi Southern blues slide-guitar intro. They even slide a few interludes that seem to come out of nowhere- for example, “We Have Lost Our Will” sounds like a Parisian dirge.
“Ox” is not for the fainthearted. In fact, it might be a little much for even some heavy music fans. However, they are defining the heavy end of the musical spectrum as if they came out of retirement to give all these kids a lesson in loud. If you’re just listening to one track on this album, check out “Black Ox Moan” or “Dead is Dead.”
For fans of: Converge, Botch, The Minor Times, Engineer, Cave In
Listen to “Ox”
Look at this beautiful game. Just look at it. It doesn’t even have to be fun or challenging and this game is a winner based on visuals alone.
Little Wheel is a free, web-based point-and-click adventure/puzzle game. Not only that, but it’s Slovakian, which automatically earns it the title of “BEST SLOVAKIAN GAME OF ALL TIME!” The premise is this: There once was a happy race of robots, until calamity struck and the power from the world’s main generator was cut off, causing all the robots to shut down. Skip forward 10,000 years and a freak lightening-strike wakes one robot up. Now it’s his mission to go to the main generator and wake all the robots up.
So yeah, it’s a little like Wall-E in that it’s post-apocalyptic and extremely cute. But the art-deco and stark silhouettes of this game are gorgeous. It makes me wonder why more game designers don’t take the time to take bold aesthetic choices when designing games. I don’t want realism and frame rates and levels of depth, I want more stuff like this. Of course, I’m not a serious gamer so I might be alone here.
This game is neither challenging, nor time-consuming. You’ll more than likely have saved the world in under 15 minutes- which is this game’s biggest downfall. However, since you’re not going to be faced with any time-commitments, allow yourself to be fully immersed in this gorgeous game and help Little Wheel wake his robot comrades.
Play Little Wheel at Armor Games
As I said in my introduction, I have lived several different places in my 21 years, and traveled a lot as well. I love eating out, and over the years I’ve found many little family-owned, single location restaurants that have become my favorites. My first restaurant pick is going to be in Springfield, MO, the place I spent about 9 years before moving to Indy. One of my favorite restaurants there was Maria’s Mexican Restaurant, and I ate there probably once a month in my time there.
I know, it doesn’t sound like anything special, and you’re probably thinking, ‘oh just another mexican restaurant, they’re all pretty much the same.’ This is not the case though, my friend. They do have all the traditional Mexican favorites, but they also have many delicious specialties. One of my entire family’s favorite things was their fried tacos. Imagine this; an already scrumptious chicken, beef, or even seafood taco, and then add a deep-fried taco shell. We’re not talking like a Taco Bell hard-shell taco, I literally mean a homemade tortilla, deep-fried until it’s puffed up and flaky, and then stuffed with your choice of meat and cheese. These things are amazing, so light that they melt in your mouth, but still have the crunch of a taco shell. Another one of my favorite dishes was what they call the Sergio- a tortilla stuffed with shredded beef and cheese, fried crispy, and then covered with Maria’s tasty Queso con chile verde (i.e. cheesy-gooey delightfulness). Another specialty at Maria’s is their tamales. They are homemade and prepared in small patches only on certain days, and they are served until they run out. They went so fast that I never had one, but my dad snagged some, and he attested that they lived up to their fame.
Maria’s has a nice, albeit generally crowded atmosphere. The decor is charming, with bright tiled tables and pictures of the owner’s family at each table, along with a full bar. It’s located in downtown Springfield on one of the main streets, and has huge windows across the front. Maria’s sports a full bar, specializing in Tequilas. They offer over 130 varieties of Tequila, and they get it all from the Tequila region of Mexico, so you know it’s the best. They offer Gold/Flavored, Plata (silver/blanco), Reposado (rested), and Anejo (Barrel Aged). I haven’t been back there since I came of drinking age, but I’ve gone with many people who’ve said their margaritas are the best. I believe it, but I will definitely be putting that to the test next time i’m in town.
I know that many of you probably don’t live near/have a desire to go to Springfield, MO, but if you’re ever within a hundred miles of it, I recommend going, at least to try Maria’s. I found myself salivating just thinking about those fried tacos as I wrote this, so I promise you it’s worth it. Come back next Friday for another restaurant pick, and who knows, maybe it’ll even be one of your favorite places.
Moderat is a collaboration between dubsteppers and Radiohead tourmates, Modeselektor, and gauzy electro-gazer Apparat (MODEselektor + appaRAT). It’s an extremely well baked mix of the best things happening in electronic music at the moment, and a very equitable split of the space between these two rather disperate artists.
Opening with “A New Error”, a song that could well be constructed of samples from the Mr. Wizard theme song, relentlessly builds up steam- a conceit that is repeated throughout the album. Going into the second track, we’re hit with a backbeat-heavy dubstep pattern that could have been lifted right out of a Burial song - obviously a song built by Modeselektor- but about a minute in we hear soft, dreamy vocals and synthy loops courtesy of Apparat.
Later in the album, tracks like “Slow Match” couple atmospheric pads that are drenched in reverb with the cadent, dubby vocals of Domincan, Paul St. Hilaire. Going from “Slow Match”, one of the darkest and roomiest tracks on the album, to the following track “3 Minutes Of” which is almost bereft of any thumping beat and is focused primarily on an atmospheric canvass of synthy shoegaze.
Tracks like “Porc #2″ and “Berlin” might make you think you’re listening to a Sigur Rós remix album, but are cleaved apart by bombastic tracks like “Les Grand Marches” (my personal favorite cut) and “No. 22″, the album’s most dancefloor-rattling track.
These two great acts have produced an album nary an out-of-place or dull moment, finding the perfect intersection on the graph between Dubstep and Shoegaze.
For fans of: Modeselektor, Apparat, Burial, Unkle, Telefon Tel Aviv, Stimming, M83.
Listen to Moderat:
I will not be dancing with this wolf.
I went to Movie Time Rental to grab a movie a while back and noticed the beast to the left. That’s right, it is a wolf patrolling the aisles of Movie Time. I named him Beowulf the Wolf because he was a wolf. It makes sense, right? I took a quick double take before realizing I was in the middle of a Discovery Channel wilderness filming that happened to have isles of videos instead of trees.
The owner had him (secured/tied/loosely held in place) with a homemade hemp leash. Isn’t that a comforting thought?…. The hippie-rope is supposed to help secure the wolf and prevent him from attacking me because of the Teen Wolf DVDs under my arm.
Shilpa Ray is a curious musical creature. Lurched over a harmonium, she belts out heart-and-gut-wrenching, tongue-in-cheek howls, as if Billie Holiday was raised by wolves that washed down their dinner with bourbon. She doesn’t quite fit in the blues jigsaw puzzle, though the heartache would be right at home there. Her music is soulful, but too sinister to be soul music. The rest of the Beat the Devil band put on a carnival behind Shilpa that travels from genre to genre as if on tour, piecing together motown with 60’s psych with old school R&B and vestiges of jazz.
Their album, “Idiot’s Guide,” came out about 3 months ago and Beat the Devil has since broken. up. Which is unfortunate. But, y’know, the brightest stars burn the quickest. Idiot’s Guide is a perfect sliver in time that can’t be tarnished. Go give this gem a whirl (also available on iTunes).
Shilpa continues to do her thing. She was a big hit at this year’s SXSW in Austin where she played as Shilpa Ray and Her Happy Hookers. Click HERE to go to her Myspace page where, along with a few originals, they do a stellar cover of “I Only Have Eyes For You.”
Below is a video of Shilpa on her own, in someone’s apartment, without a microphone, singing the song “Plea Bargain,” which is available on Idiot’s Guide.
Hi there. My name is Keri, and I wanted to start out by sharing a bit of myself with you, so here you have it. 17 random things that you may or may not have wanted to know:
- My favorite number is 17.
- I have lived in Jenks, OK, Denver, CO, San Antonio, TX, Springfield, MO, and here in Carmel, IN. My favorite place of all of these is Denver, and I hope to move back there someday.
-I don’t like any vegetables besides potatoes.
- At ChaCha, I work in QA, testing new enhancements and tools. Sometimes I also dabble in Guide Support helping with payment issues.
- I have minor OCD issues. Mainly just with brushing my hair. I can’t stand for it to be messed up, and brush it at least 20 times a day.
-I love music —listening to it, going to concerts, playing guitar. In any form, it’s awesome.
-My biggest pet peeve is when people say ‘good’ when they should say ‘well.’ You didn’t do good. You did well.
-I love traveling and visiting new places, and can’t wait until I can go to Paris.
-I love eating out, and trying little hole-in-the-wall / mom-and-pop restaurants. My two favorite, albeit chain, restaurants are P.F. Chang’s and Red Robin.
-My dream job is to work for a record label, managing bands and/or signing new ones. It will happen eventually.
-I have a cat and a yorkie puppy. So fights about whether cats or dogs are better are hard for me to participate in.
-I make a mean cheesecake, among other things.
-I love shopping, especially for clothes. If I were rich, I’d buy everything from Urban Outfitters. Since I’m not, I shop mostly at Target & Forever 21.
-I watch a lot of TV and movies. Probably too much. Oh well.
-Life would not be the same without chocolate. Or buffalo wings. Or coffee.
-I love playing games of all sorts, but especially Apples to Apples and Poker.
-I am a big fan of reading and writing, and especially love poems. A couple of my favorite poets are Henry David Thoreau and Alexander Pushkin.
I look forward to posting more about many of the subjects above, and hope you look forward to reading them!
2008 Boekenhoutskloof (yeah, try to pronounce that) South African The Wolftrap Syrah blend is awesome. You should have two of these in your wine rack at all times; it’s a 90-point wine and it’s completely recession friendly. (Other people’s opinions of this bottle are usually in the 88-point range, but I’m a big fan of these types.)
The Wolftrap is a South African Syrah/Mourvedre/Viogner blend. But really, it’s a big, fat-ass cookout in a glass. It’s smoky, meaty, and savory for days. This thing could rack for a couple of years but it’s already drinking like a beast! It’s heavily meaty, and reminiscent of an old-world Borolo or Dolcetto.
Lots of forest floor on the nose- moss and mushrooms and minerals- not much fruit permeating through. On the whole, the bouquet is subtle and belies its big, bad flavor profile.
Open it up and it’s ready to drink- not much need to breathe. Ripe from the beginning, you’re immediately hit with lots of earthy, salted meats on the front and hearty veggies on the back (there’s not NOT a hint of cauliflower in there!). Definite notes of caramelized (read: burnt) animal fat and collagen give great structure while mild cranberries, luscious red apples wash over your whole palate. Full-bodied, well-balanced tannins keep this deeply structured and hint that this bottle could last for another 5-or-so years. This is an extremely savory wine. That being said, the Viogner doesn’t show up too much in the flavor profile- it does add that wonderful caramelized flavor to the smoky Mourvedre.
Okay, enough banal adjectives. Here’s what I liked- I cracked this bottle for my roommates and I. They were off doing their thing while I was sitting alone with my laptop out back, writing this thing. I was freaking out, chasing down all these different flavors like a dog does a squirrel. My palate capitulated to it in a pleasantly overwhelming way. All I could think was, “Baby back ribs! Charred meat! Plum sauce! Anise? Yeah! Anise!” Then my roomies came out and joined me. They liked the wine a lot, and I did too, and that was that. We resigned ourselves to sitting around a table, drinking a great bottle of wine, and shooting the breeze. A wine that can be really enjoyed casually, or when you want to do some serious palate surfing.
Best part: This bottle comes in at under $10 and is available most places (I picked mine up at World Market). The Wolftrap is killer bargain- a league above most other bottles at its price point.
JK’s Score: 89+pts.
Considerations: Cheap and so nom-nom-nom you’ll probably go blind.
Food Pairing: Get a chunk of meat (Tri-tip or pork tenderloin would be bonkers here) and grill it. Fin.
Music Pairing: Black Diamond Heavies - Fever in My Blood
Dancing while explaining the Progressive Education Theory.
I would not consider myself a dancer. I can robot pretty well but that is simply because I am a geometry whiz….. lines and angles come easy to me. I have rhythm and can move to it, but tend to over think my next move. This usually results in flailing arms and misaligned poses, all of which remind me of a running sheep being hit with a taser. It is not a pretty show.
Anyway, about 3 years ago, I started taking dance lessons at Arthur Murray. My friend was a dance instructor there and we traded passions. She taught me how to dance and I taught her how to play music. It worked well for both of us. After a year of shared lessons, she started a really crappy band that did absolutely nothing worthwhile and I made it to a level 2 in the Tango and Waltz. This basically meant that I was certified to dance in public with actual people. I had a certificate and all. It was official.
After we stopped lessons, I really had no reason to dance and so I stopped for good. I forgot all of my sweet dance moves.
I guess that is all I really wanted to say. I kind of want my moves back.
